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Wife beater

The wife asked if she could wear one of my wife beaters today… 
I said “Yeah, knock yourself out”. 

An American Stealth Bomber had to make emergency landing. 
Bet they didn’t see that one coming. 

Just had a tattoo done on my butt that says, 
“If you’re reading this, we’re in prison.” 

I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery. 
I’ve had it right up to here with them.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so!

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I call my dog Egypt, because he leaves pyramids all over the house. 

My dog keeps barking at the front door. I finally figured out he doesn’t want to go out……………………..he wants ME to leave. 

Dog owners are cowards. They don’t have the guts to bite people themselves. 

My dog has an ingrown tail. I have to have him x-rayed to find out if he’s happy. 

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