Jokes from a Father

Jokes from a Father

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked, “Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

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Charleston Visit 2018

The last time I planned to go to Charleston with my wife I miraculously dislocated my foot.

Now I got to enjoy the vast array of Charleston with Darren (close friend) Carole and myself.

Charleston sunrise

These were taken at the Battery.

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GoodBye My friend

GoodBye My friend

July 22nd 2018 marked the day Carole and I lost our first pet, snuggle butt and our 4am wake up call.

We came home from Charleston around 5pm to happy cats and lovingly snuggled and gave them food.

As the night went on he annoyed us woke us up, and meowed. Which was not abnormal. The next day I went to a Drs appointment to find vomit all upstairs and a growling kitten.

After calling my wife and working with the vet we brought him in. And waited for the results he progressively got worse as the day went on.

We decided to let him stay so we can get him hydrated and under watch. They though the CNS was failing, advised to check the house of toxins.

No toxins just dead bugs. Possible lawn pesticide??? My bet… After a crying phone call from my loving wife that this may be fatal. We got a referral to a Cat neurologist.

We took him home at 7pm and he was sequestered and he was not the same cat. Eyes dilated and barley walking. We switch rooms and through the night he started not moving and breathing was getting slower.

Wife asks if we should go, I advise let’s keep a eye on it and go from there.

4Am we check on him, barley breathing and can’t move. We think he had a stroke. After calming down the family I took him in, thankfully a 5 minute drive.

Rolled the windows down rubbed his head. Watched him adjust to stare at me. Carry him in and fill out the paperwork.

They rush me in since he was suffering. I brought his toys and watched him go.

My baby boy was gone, decided to cremate him as the least awkward options.

  1. Didn’t want to bury. Wife can’t look at him and that would haunt her.
  2. Cremation is bad juju.

I thought about it communal cremation to allow him to go with all the furry friends. He loved everyone and everything.

rip: Moe, 4 years old way to soon.

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